


All That Comes With You

by navrilas_danvers



Category: Saving Hope
Genre: F/F, One Shot Collection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-19
Updated: 2017-07-28
Packaged: 2018-12-04 04:24:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11547426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/navrilas_danvers/pseuds/navrilas_danvers
Summary: A collection of Lintz one shots.More to come.Cannon or non-cannon scenes, I don't know yet.Update: mostly off-screen ones because we need more Lintz content ❤️Chapters may not fit the timeline order.





	1. How do we make it?

**Author's Note:**

> I’d like to take prompts for this lovely ship, so please tell me if there’s anything you’d like to read. Give me a certain context or a song for inspiration, and I’ll see what I can do. Also give me some motivation to practice my writing in English hahaha  
> You can find me on Tumblr: @navrilasdanvers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> an interlude after Sydney left Maggie for the second time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s inspired by Jarryd James’ “How Do We Make It”. The lyrics reminds me of Lintz for some reasons as you might notice from the quote.  
> Here, take it. Use it as the soundtrack. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PZY_y-OWw4Y

      You are sitting in your couch for way too long. You just got back from Hope Zion after a double shift. You started to do it again just for the sake of it. Well, not really for the sake of it. To try to spend less time alone, actually. Keeping oneself busy is one way to forget the heartache. A rather severe one this time.

      She came and she left. As always.

      The headache hasn’t been that much a problem as you expected, since you have a much more serious problem – a heart problem to be more specific.

      You bend your back to reach for the phone on the low desk. You open your recent playlist on Spotify, and have your stereo to play it.

_How do we make it, when all we can be is apart?_  
_How do we do it, do we fight it to know where we are?_  
_I don’t wanna say we didn’t try for everything that’s in our hearts_  
_How do we do it, oh, how do we make it?_

      Oh well, you know Sydney Katz will be the death of yours.

      You shove those feelings deep inside you, which is not the way you cope normally. Although nothing’s normal when it comes to Syd.

      You remember how Zach tried to find you a redhead with a fiery personality matches her hair, and how you mildly snapped at him and turned down his kind gesture. Of course you know he was trying to help. But you simply don’t feel like it.

      No one can replace her. Not even someone with her red hair and grey-green eyes.

      You ponder the possibility that her so-called girlfriend waiting for her in Israel could be fake. As an excuse to escape from you and her own feeling. If there is some feeling.

      You wonder if she will elaborate when you ask her about this mysterious girlfriend if you meet in the future. You notice the amount of ifs there are.

      However you know there’s no point in these kind of conversations with yourself, for these kind of dialogues will only leads to endless “answerless” questions. You know because this is what you have been doing lately. Also listening to sad songs in order to make yourself feel.

      It’s time to stop that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this one shot on my phone on the home-bound high speed rail in half an hour. It took shorter than I thought tho lol  
> Hope you like it!


	2. I just want you to love for free.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a reflection Sydney has short after she gets back to Israel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The prompt song is Bored by Billie Eilish. I did it differently this time. I can’t have them both listening to music each time. It would be too pretentious lol  
> So I sneak some lyrics in instead.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q2WcdaF8uL8

“Honey I’m home!” You would say when you walk through the door and toss the keys in the bowl placed on the credenza, and you would greet your partner with a chaste peck on her lips if she gets home earlier than you do. Chances are she would pull you in and make the kiss languid. You would discuss what to make for a late dinner. Sure, having a staff job means you have a more regular schedule than residents, which is something you had grown unfamiliar with, since it was a long time ago when you were a resident. 

None of these scenarios seem real for you. They are your projection of happiness. Half truth, half imagination. These daily scenes seem… fake. At least not real enough.

The definition of home has changed for you throughout your life. At first it was the community you were in and the Jewish culture. You worked so hard to live up the expectation, and you would not allow yourself for making mistakes in all aspects of your life.

You tap the tip of the pen with a silver shell against the clipboard you are holding in your hand. You are not concentrating, and normally it only takes you a glance to understand a patient’s condition and form the ideas of the treatment. It’s nothing. Any experienced doctor is capable of it. But this one is taking you longer than it should. You are bored. The thrill of treating people has not been much a thrill lately.

You are lost in your thoughts therefore did not hear your phone ringing until it did for a few seconds.

You pick up the phone without checking the caller’s identity and look around frantically which is unnecessary because you’re alone in your office.

“Sydney?”

Your heart skips a beat and then you recognise the voice. “Speaking.”

“I wonder if you’re available tonight.”

The hesitation and caution on the other end don’t go unnoticed.

You guess you have got to be the steady one now.

“Yeah, of course!” You fidget your hair and pull a strand about your eye level and chuckled. “Hey about that conversation we had the other day…”

You spin your chair to face the huge bookshelf behind your desk as the phone call continues.

 

“Hi, Abbey.”

You pull the chair and wear that smile as elegant as you can. You hope your date doesn’t find you rude for being late because of work on… your first official date as girlfriends.

“Syd.”

She look up at you with the sincerity that you perceive so well that you almost trip over the exquisite chair legs as you seat yourself.

There is something weird in a way that Abbey says your nickname.

Your hands are clammy. This hasn’t occurred for a long time. Not since you gradually changed yourself — both on your appearance and your inner self. It just happened naturally. It started with one grand shopping after you left Hope Zion and a conversation with your sister. You lost the chance of coming out to your family, for the chance was deprived from you by Herschel some time after you broke off the engagement with him. But you did have a chance to talk to your sister.

Okay maybe the transformation was not that naturally. It just wasn’t something you forced on yourself, and you felt much more like yourself day after day. And judging by Zach’s reaction the last time you visited Hope Zion, the change was a rather successful one. Surely he didn’t remark it blatantly in front of your face — he might be childish but he’s not the impolite type — due to the situation of the ER back then, but you know all your former colleagues noticed it.

It’s probably because of the accent, hence the weirdness emerge when you hear Abbey call you Syd. Definitely not because of who’s calling you Syd.

You shove the self-consciousness aside and carry on the small talk.

 

Your life keeps throwing you into the same position. You don’t know how to stay long enough to forge a companionship with others. You are aware of this tendency of yours, yet feel powerless and helpless to change. You learned a bit psychology here and there when studying for pre-med, in the med school,  and during the rotation. It’s probably your attachment style that makes things hard for you. Avoidant. That’s what it’s called.

You spent your whole life to be perfect, but the reality shows that even families can turn their back on you. Even families. Who can you trust? Your resident who you don’t even know whether was just trying you out or not? It was you who made the first move after all. She didn’t reject you. True. But you couldn’t be sure if she would keep wanting you the way she did when you were in that on call room. You don’t want to be an experiment.

Recently, however, you sense there is some potential change for you to come. Perhaps separating from your community helps. You think you’re ready to change, ready to practice to love, so you offer Abbey that she can be your roommate, and you two can split the rent.

“Are you trying to not-so-low-key make me move in with you?” Abbey has this sly smirk that makes your grin grows every time.

Below all this prospective development between you and Abbey, there’s this urge you have in you. The urge to face what you have been avoiding.

You lied to Maggie.

There. You admit it.

There was no girlfriend when you went back to Hope Zion to check Shelby Hart’s condition. No girlfriend after you left Hope Zion months ago without saying goodbye. No girlfriend when you recommended Dr. Lin to the hospital in Cleveland.

Lying is also a sin according to Leviticus. You haven't been doing well on following the rules for quite some time now.

In your own defense, you were going to ask Abbey if she would like to be your girlfriend only decided to postpone it after you learned that she planned to go back to Israel. You knew she was going to say yes anyway. Then you made a commitment to her.

“I will go back to Israel.” You remember her dark eyes staring straight at yours. You swallowed before you continued, “I will meet you there. Just wait for me. I will go to you as soon as my patient is stable again.”

You did have a potential girlfriend when you dropped the bomb on Maggie telling her that you have to leave to be with your girlfriend. It would not make sense if you referred Abbey as your potential girlfriend in front of Maggie. It would be too personal. And you don’t want to see Maggie have that look on her face. That look as if she’s on the brink of tears but fighting it with every fibre in herself to hold it together. You can’t hurt her this way. After all, she's the only almost you ever think about.

You almost didn’t get out of it when she gathered her courage to kiss you when you were saying goodbye. That kiss was dangerous. But you got coldhearted enough to leave even after that kiss. Quickly though. You can’t risk anything.

Besides, what can you do after hearing her say that she would focus on herself for a while. What can you do when you just made a promise to tie yourself on someone who loves you so much more than you love her?

Commitment is something you have been doing since you were a child. Volunteered or not. The only person you couldn’t keep your committed-self to was Maggie. But what can you do, really? You got your hope up when Maggie helped you find yourself, truly live your life. On the other hand, she means chaos to you as well.

Before her, you were doing just fine. Perfect job, perfect community. You felt loved. But after she came along, things started to collapse around you. First it was just a crack. You couldn’t hold back the impulse to kiss those lips. And then you had to throw that scrub cap by her head hoping that she was just pretending to be asleep and remembered what you told her about the yarmulke, what the gesture means. The rest is history.

You can’t have THAT with her only to find out nothing is real.

Most importantly, you knew she wouldn’t be happy with you. It would cost her too much and you just want her to love for free. She’s the freest soul you ever know, while you’re full of restrictions.

You are lying in bed on your side with a naked asleep Abbey next to you. Your right arm is under her neck draped around her shoulder, framing her in a cradle. Your free hand is dragging your fingernails across her upper arm back and forth as you’re drifting through consciousness. You close your eyes.

Is this for real? You’re lying here and your mind is elsewhere. This has to end. You killed any chance you had with Maggie back when you left after you helped her pass the board as a parting gift. That was the real parting gift. Not some lousy “Daddy Crab Legs Crab Shack”. What were you thinking, really? Her words ring in you head. “Crack some crab legs and forget about what happened between us?” You have to, Maggie. You wanted to tell her. You weren’t ready to face the reality. You both weren't.

Only when you saw her in the hospital bed finally awake and look at you with those round brown eyes that bear so much warm and hope in them, you overthrew all your hypothesis. Her exact words were “well, you’re here.” She was telling you your presence to her means everything. And you had to tell yourself to stop reading too much into it.

Who are you to decide you are all she needs?

You guess you just have to teach each other to live without each other. And set each other free. You will forget all about it, whatever you have with her, in time.

You feel a hand creep up your back all the way up to your shoulder blade and you jerk back to presence.

You hold Abbey’s gaze and lean in for an affectionate kiss. You feel her smile against your lips.

What makes Abbey different? Well, it is obvious. She is one of your people. You can see a future with her. You’re not afraid anymore.

This is your new reality now, and there is no going back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to cry now...


	3. Call me a fool.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> when Sydney tells Maggie to stay, not to leave for her

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From the prompt of Run To You by Lacey Sturm  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6meQPBDvmiU

The pillows.

You never consider those something romantic to you. It’s a random object and should be neutral, but now it means too much to you along with other objects, such as goose, single bed, scrub cap, and even some button down shirt. The signified behind the signifier is escaping. That’s why merely holding onto the symbol itself is never enough.

You enter your on-call room to take off the scrubs. You find it while you fiddle through your lab coat pockets to empty them. There in your hand is the blue scrub cap Syd threw beside you two years ago. You secretly kept it all these years. It seems that Syd left it for you to keep. You didn’t know she would one day come back and wear it once again. You didn’t have the reason to throw it away. You still don’t even though it seems like a bad joke to you now.

You pick it up and bring it to your nose. You hesitate for a moment, but still go with the urge to bury your face in it, and inhale deeply against the soft fabric to smell what had been long gone only to be renewed for a month or so. Her smell is fresh. You blink back the tears and stuff the scrub cap in your bag quickly and leave the on-call room. You need to do something to clear your mind and stop the banging from the back of your head.

You flop into the chair and grab a pen and a piece of paper from the drawer, then start to write.

 

_Dear Syd,_

_I don’t know how or when you will get this, but here's something I need to tell you._

_The moment I met you I knew you would be someone different in my life. I didn’t know how special and in what way you would mean to me, but I felt something immediately after you asked me if I have any problem with the fact that you have an Israeli disposition and you will probably wear a wig on your wedding. I thought I would have the honour to argue over the details of the wedding and try extra hard to convince you not to wear a wig because your natural hair is way too pretty to be covered up, unless the custom should come before that and I totally respect that. Your call._

_It’s always been your call between you and me, and I’m okay with that. I truly am._

_Call me a fool, but I always have faith in you. In us. Somehow. I’ll let you go if you think it’s the best for both of us, but I want you to know that I will always love you._

_I wish you all the best._

 

_Love,_

_Maggie._

 

You drop the pen and sigh. You swiftly seal the envelop and tuck it carefully into the back of your bag. You make sure there’s no wrinkle made in the process. It’s something should be dealt delicately.

You are thinking of ways to get the letter to her. The only thing you know now is that she will be at Torbin General. There’s that. You will send it to the hospital.

How are you going to get over this after what seemed so steadfast had broken down once again? You can’t believe it’s happening all over again.

You’re relishing everything you perceived in that conversation you had outside Kimberly’s ward. 

You heard her. “Don’t come with me.” Those were her exact words. They have been ringing in your head in the past few hours, and you honestly don’t know how you have borne it without fleeing from everything, dropping out from the surgery Alex lead for example, and find a quiet place to curl up and die.

That was the first time she said she loves you in public. And it’s very likely to be the last time.

You step inside your new office. The couch is still covered with plastic. Everything is brand new. Everything is yet explored. Just like your life with Syd.

Now even your thoughts can be triggers.

The two of you have never got the chance to talk about the separation. You don’t even know if there’s an option of a long-distance relationship or that goodbye you had at the OR was actually Syd breaking up with you.

Break up. Oh God. That doesn’t sound right. In fact, it sounds terribly wrong.

You were ready to follow her everywhere in the world, and she made a promise to you that she would not go anywhere without you. What could possibly go wrong? Apparently, that promise is a promise she fails to keep. You try to come up with any solution to stop her from leaving, to stop the water leaking in this sinking ship. You want to defy the situation, but you simply don’t know how to make it work. Although deep down you know you wouldn’t even try because that’s what she wants.

You look down as you step on something soft and thin. An envelope with a “Maggie” at the middle. You crouch down to pick it up. It’s Syd’s handwriting.

There’s that tug in your heart again. It feels like the blood pumping out of your heart is not restored, and your heart sinks a bit. You don’t know if you’re ready to read her attempt at something she’s never good at. You’re not sure if you’re ready to find out what was on Syd’s mind when she pushed you away. You are not ready to read it, for it would draw a bottomline and this is the end of everything. You are not ready to say goodbye to her.

And perhaps what frightens you the most is finding out what this all means to you and to her. Maybe her love for you isn’t strong enough to make her understand that you already decide to put her before yourself. Maybe she doesn't think she deserves to be followed by someone like you. Not even the goal you have been working so hard for can shake that, but she doesn’t seem to understand.

Can’t she see that the decision to move to London is not for her? It’s for you. You want to go to London. With her.

It suddenly dawns on you. Because she was thinking about your staff position from her own perspective. Of course she would.

It is everything you have worked for. Syd herself wouldn’t give up on something so important like that for anyone, and she wants you to seize it. She doesn’t want to be the person who stands in your way to your professional achievement. Just like you never ever want to be her obstacle.

You sigh and look down on the envelope you’re holding in your slightly trembling hands.

You are letting the reality sink in and settling with the fact that your one will soon to be ocean-apart from you.

 

Don’t you know I will run to you whenever and wherever you need me, Syd?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh I really need to write some happy sequences for them.


End file.
